& Senseless Secrets

Continuous ramblings of the not so profound.

After all is said and done

The pregnancy is over. There were moments when I thought it would never end, and now I feel a little empty…literally. I know I didn’t keep up with this like I wanted to. I’m sure I will have even less time now with a brand new baby to take care of. It’s surreal. I mean absolutely mind blowing every time I look at his face. I can’t even begin to describe it. Liam completes the circle between Nathan and I.

Birth was nothing like I expected. I delivered on Monday February 8th, 2010. I went in at midnight and started induced labor at around 2 am and finally gave birth to him at 6:50 pm. It is quite literally the most wild thing I have ever done. Not once did I scream, although I did cry. Not once did Nathan leave my side. Not once was there a severe complication, although they had a hard time keeping my blood pressure elevated. And not once did I imagine that the little person that came out of me would. Weighing 7.94 pounds, 21 inches long, red hair, blue eyes, he was…he is perfect.

I know this may seem incredibly sappy, but unless you’ve done it too, you will never understand true love. And after all, “love is the most important thing in  the world.”

Maybe this is incredibly selfish of me but I need someone to lean on too and this situation is very bad for my mental health. I have to pretend like I’m fine though and I will because I love you and I understand.

No matter how hard I try to make things better I just make it worse especially if I try and consider any of my own feelings. So this year I pretend like my feelings are non existent or I jump from a roof with a rope to me neck. Happy new year

How can I be so in love with someone I’ve never seen or spoken with. But every movement and flutter says everything I’ve ever wanted to hear.

I’m getting another ultrasound today. It’s been months and for some reason I’m nervous as hell.

I wish I could do something to spite you.

You can't tell me that these aren't so cute.

I finally found out the sex of my baby. He is a boy and we are naming him Liam Michael Malone. It’s bizzare growing a relationship with someone so close to you and yet so far.

It is all to ironic that I made that earlier post.